Are you asking me?

When I was 19 years old I went to the doctor for a routine checkup when my lab results came back a little off. My white blood count was lower than usual and the doctor felt the need to do a bigger pannel. The diganosis came back that I had Lupus and ever since I have been routinely checked

Today was the of my checkup and normally my husband would go with for support just in case I heard bad news. But this time his work stood in the way and I told him I was fine to go alone. I prayed but I was still nervous as I sat in the waiting room – for the nurse to call my name.

Geraldine Kuykendall? Come with me- lets get your weight. Now for the sake of writing a good piece I am about to devulge what the scale read because it is when God begins to take over this visit)

The digital scale read -111.1

Whenever my mind get stuck thinking incorrect thoughts if there is a clock around it will read 11:11, or 12:12, 2:22, … It’s never coincidence because each time I really am at that moment in need of some truth. I knew God at that moment was saying “I am right here.”

No sooner had I processed that moment, my heart started racing again as the nurse got out the blood preassure cuff. The cuff is a vicscious circle for me because I try so hard not to be nervous so she will get an accurate reading, that I end up breathing faster than usual. I looked down and began praying again but my eye caught the nurses wrist. She was wearing a braclet and she it was engraved. It read Matthew 19:26 All things

I couldnt believe it and I could feel the tears welling up inside of me. God was with me and now I knew it and believed it. My breathing went back to normal and the butterflies flew away. I asked the nurse about her braclet and she began telling me her story of why she wore it- and how she never wanted to forget the truth of those words. She said ever since she learned to let go of controlling her life, her life now is in control- but God is doing all the work.

Next the Doctor came in and asked me all the routine questions- Did I have any swelling, joint pain, hair loss, rashes, any pains or anything to report. I told him I had been well. He went over my last lab results-everything checked out normal and nothing was of any concern. Having checked me thorougly he turned to me and said “Im confused as what to do now?”

What do you mean?

“Well, from the last time you were here you were in total remission. You seem to have stayed healthy, you look fine, so I dont know if we should run any tests. Unless you want me to run them, I am thinking maybe we should just trust you are fine. But I’m not sure so I guess its up to you. What do you want to do?

Are you talking to me?! Just trust that I am fine- I have never don that. I have always checked every bump and cough, and when it comes to Lupus, I do tests- 4 vials of blood to be exact. But here this top notch doctor was confused as to what to do and he was asking me if we should just trust – and you know I kind of wanted to. I knew God had been working in my heart regarding trusting Him for the past two years, and in the past two weeks he had placed people by my side people who were teaching me that it was finally time to trust God.

I knew. I took a deep breath, a leap of faith, and I said ” I want to trust.”

I agree he replied- see you in six months and with that he left.

So today I am walking around knowing and trusting God that I am healthy. I can walk in divine health because finally after 10 years of fearing- I now trust God.

Thank you.


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